Tony Blair
Tony Blair is best known for his ability to work with C-average Ivy League students in executive positions. The most cunning traitor ever known to Britain, was once the Prime Minister of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Ireland. He still rules over all of the British Isles and the entire United Kingdom. His best friend is George W. Bush, President of the United States of America. He gets second billing because he's not a President; he was just a Prime Minister. When they frequent the swingset, Bush gets to ride while Tony Blair must push. Queen Elizabeth II was his boss. Even though she's a woman and she bossed him around, they're not married. That would be scandalous, and kind of hot in an oedipal sort of way. Resignation Despite wishing to spend more time with his family and perhaps get work in the private sector, Mr. Blair remains third in command in England. Outranking him is a live queen and a dead princess (the victim of a succession of spindly little pricks). "Now that France too has elected a poodle, my work here is done," Mr. Blair wrote in his letter to his boss. Tony Blair was replaced by That Motherfucker That Replaced Tony Blair. Tony Blair pooped his pants on September 28th, 2007, though few either noticed or cared. Foreign Policy Tony Blair lives in London, except when he is spending the night at the White House in Washington D.C. or visiting Iraq to -- subjectively speaking -- 'boost' troop morale. Blair and the Greatest, Oh Dear Lord, Leader Bush have recently re-instituted talks to dominate the world again and re-establish the British Empire, starting from the United Kingdom and radiating through the Middle East into India, East Asia, Africa, Australasia and Ireland. The Greatest Leader Bush and his lickspittle myrmidon Blair have naturally agreed not only to share the potential and imminent colonial empire, which will now really be American and not British, but to make the United Kingdom the 51st American State. The Great Leader is well aware that many nations are desperately waiting to become a part of the inner sanctum of thesest United States. Being a man of honor, The Great Leader has promised his lapdog Blair that the UK will be the 51st state, followed by Mexico and France quarreling with each other for the status that will accompany becoming the 52nd state of the US of A (and what the 'A' stands for is regarded by many as a moot point). As much as he would like to, the Great Leader cannot satisfy all his people with such limited resources of lands, oceans, and skies. The Great Leader is also considering annexing Canada, but displaying his great insight, he believes that Canada is just a block of ice populated mainly by socialist bacteria, and that Toronto rightfully belongs to the state of Idaho. His Running Dog of Servility Blair, seizing the opportunity thus presented, re-annexed Canada to the United Kingdom Empire. The current Canadian Prime Minister and administration have been deported to The Great Mistress Condi Nasty Re-education Center in Utah, consistent with the Blairish slogan of national encouragement that proved so successful back home, "Re-education, re-education, re-education!". The Greatest Mistress Ever is pushing for California and New York to lose their Great Statehood statuses and for thesest lame states to join the lesser empires, possibly the Ugandan or Papal New Guineaworm territories. If these territories are discovered to be rich in natural resources such as oil, diamonds, gold and other useful thingees, then California and New York do not deserve to be a part of these glorious lands; the liberal insubordination of California and New York will have to be punished for at least 69 generations. Blair, imitating the Greatest Leader's astute policy-making and negotiation tactics, has sharply refused to receive California and New York as annexed states of the United Kingdom, unless Bill Gates and Warren Buffett stay there permanently. So far, neither The Great Leader nor The Great Lickspittle Blair seem too keen on annexing Iraq, Iran, Somalia, North Korea or Afghanistan. Mexico and/or Japan will doubtless assume that honor in due course. Washington Love Machine While in Washington, Mr. Blair openly professed his love for President Bush, which made The Greatest President Ever very uncomfortable. The latter therefore dealt with it the way any good American would. Mr. Blair spent 8 months in the hospital for the various wounds and bruises that resulted from our fine president "beating the gay out of him". Due to the obvious magnetism and charisma of the Greatest President Ever, the French Jew Nicolas Sarkozy also fell under his captivating spell, leaving our Greatest President Ever to be sandwiched in a love triangle between Blair and the Jew. See Also * Foreigner * Prime Minister of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Ireland * United Kingdom of Great Britain and Ireland * C.O.W. * Labour Party External Tubes *Tony Blair to become President of Europe! *Tony Blair joins war on terror *Tony Blair's new book: Is all Brown's fault